There are two things that are true 90% of the time for me:
1. I love having a plan; one that’s made in advance and doesn’t get changed or cancelled at the last minute, and
2. I do not leave the house when the morning temperature is -42C
On Sunday, when I woke up and it was -42C, Emily and I made last minute plans to make a trip to Anthropologie and Whole Foods about 45 minutes away.
And it was a great day!
Me: Em! I want this couch! We’ll put it on your roof rack!
Walk around Anthropologie, mentally calculate net worth to figure out how many pairs of pants one can buy without going broke. It’s about 9.5 (keep in mind I own a home and a car). Pet some pants (LAUR! they have very petable pants!) Pick up and admire every single plate, bowl, and mug. Think about all the dinner parties I’m (never) going to have.
Me: Look at these salad tongs. God I wish I tossed salad. Ugh, how are 2 pieces of painted wood nearly $40? Pass.
Em: We should spell out our entire names with these mugs; they’re prefect!
(side note: they ARE. Laura gave me my “a” a few years ago and I gifted Emily an “e” last year. I know, I KNOW I went on and on about how monograms are dumb….but pink!)
Em: Is everything kind of boho or African safari?
Me: You also need to be about six feet tall to wear that dress. On safari. In Africa. Nowhere else.
Pet some more pants, look a dish towels.
Me: I need these dish towels, they’re on saaaaaale! No I don’t. They’re white (with stripes). I can’t have more light dish towels, I never want to use them.
Sit in a great chair while Emily tries on soft pants and jeans and the greatest white dress shirt.
Me: This chair is fabulous. Except the god-awful pattern. Will it fit on your roof rack?
Wait in line. Figure out how exactly linked metal and a leather tassel is $90. Soap. I hate bars of soap, but it smells so good.
Me: Ohhhhh. I’ll need that painting behind the cash register, too! Roof rack? Surely it folds in half. It’ll fit. (Have you seen them? 20 foot canvases in the most gorgeous cream and teal and coral and gold and white and grey)
Em: I’m sure it’ll work.
Me: Oh, and when I renovate (which I’m not doing) I NEED these floors. I don’t think they’re gonna fit on the roof.
Em: I’m sure the print folds in half. We may be just fine.
Em: Is your new couch even that comfortable?
Both sit on couch.
Me: Huh. Not comfortable. Shame.
And then we had burgers for lunch, cause -30s and all. And cause burgers are delicious. And then to Whole Foods where the real fun began. Let me preface this by saying no one caught on, which was really for the better.
Em: Ah, Whole Foods, I already feel more important than everyone else I know.
Me: We just did they most Oakvillian things today. Except eat burgers. I don’t think people in Oakville eat burgers. I just want some flowers. And $8 apples. They’re so much better than everything at No Frills. We’re gonna have to go to yoga to really round out this day.
Em: Where are all the smart cars?
Em: $25 for tulips? Is it not the day AFTER Valentine’s Day? Why is nothing half price? Do they know they’re $7 at Zehrs?
Even their flowers are elitist.
Em: I’m gonna need some coconut water to get through today. Wait. How do they not have MY brand of coconut water how will I live? Is she wearing lululemons? Typical.
Me: But they DO have aloe water. Cause that doesn’t sound like the most disgusting thing ever.
Me: Why are there children here? Why are they better dressed than I am? I’m even wearing my cute Target necklace to be classy.
Em: Organic whole chickens! $28? Are you kidding?
Me: Let’s go find some gluten and dairy!
Em: I’m really going to need that coconut water, STAT.
Em: Butter London nail polish. Of course. OF COURSE. All for the low low price of $19.99.
Me: Hey, that book was free at Starbucks last week. But why would you download it for free when you could buy the hardcover at WHOLE FOODS?!
Em: Everything here is better!
Me: They just bought a $15 pizza. Fif-teen dollars. And it’s probably gluten free with some non-dairy cheese and fake meat.
Me: How much is that? (Em checks and tells me the price) So, you’re telling me I can buy a fully cooked whole chicken for half the price of a raw one? There’s something really, really wrong with that.
Me: Where are the macarons? (And now I’m totally serious. Hmm, no salted caramel no lemon, no thank you!)
Em: But actually….do they have fresh pressed grapefruit juice? (They don’t)
Me: Coconut water?
We left with nothing.
Me: But how ever will we make it back to Guelph without coconut water?
Em: I don’t know. I feel so weak.
Please please please tell me a crazy story. Or does your WF have more than 4 macarons? (and aren’t the chocolate croissants the greatest? and the iced coffee! vacation staples.) And how exactly can I get one of those Anthro canvases?
A few (many) years ago, on a Sunday, while completely hung over, a friend and I meandered through Toronto talking only in Buffalo accents. Some days are just more fun than others.