grammatically speaking

I have a feeling you weren’t glued to twitter a few weeks ago keeping an eye on the National Lacrosse League trades ahead of the March 31 trade deadline. I was and my inner grammar girl was ignited with rage. I needed to get off the internet to stop judging athletes and their inept understanding of the English language but I needed to know where one of my faves was headed.

“I’m so happy to be apart of ________. Thanks fans your the best.”

NO. NO NO NO NO. You did not just say that.

Isn’t it crazy how a little space can make a word mean the opposite of what you intended. And homophones…sigh.

Coincidentally, Grammarly contacted me on March 31st to let me know about their schnazzy proofreading web app that finds and explains in-depth grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes online. The email was sweet and informative, but in my head, this is all I saw:

oxfordcomma

I know, Ryan; I know. I really appreciate that you noticed.

I don’t chat a whole bunch about my job other than I get to work from home (booyah), but 98% of it is conducted online. I have no meetings (hello sweatpants), minimal phone calls (thank goodness), and maximum trying to impress people via WORD documents and my wit via email correspondence. I compulsively read and re-read emails to new clients to ensure I haven’t spelled words wrong and I have portrayed myself intellectually. It’s a for-profit world and I’m trying to keep the lights on. Thank goodness for the compulsive re-reading which led me to catch “we’ll need to pick some up for our stalkings” one late December afternoon before sending it to a gum client. Stockings. STOCKINGS! We’d certainly need gum for our STOCKINGS.

I definitely didn’t know how big an impact strong writing skills translate into job performance, though. Have a look:

writing_skills_matter

HUGE impact. With the immediacy of our society – must get something on twitter, must break the news before any other outlet leaks it – proper spelling and good grammar have become less important.

Which is a darn shame because good grammar is mighty sexy.

You know when you become aware of something then it pops up everywhere? Like when a gentleman breaks up with you and then you spot the same kind of truck at every intersection? Or how you hear about Grammarly and then see it recommended in a BuzzFeed article about a week later. So cool.

I know I’m not the only grammar nerd out there. Are you one, too? My sweet new friends in San Francisco (GO GIANTS!) are offering one of y’all a premium account. With a premium account Grammarly can proofread your texts correcting more than 250 kinds of errors, improve word choice and context-optimized synonyms, help avoid plagiarism, and perfect your writing on business proposals, social media, and work/school documents.

Love it? Need it? Want a premium subscription? Just leave a comment before 11:59pm EST Thursday, April 23rd telling me how it could help you become a more confident and skilled writer. (Winner will be contacted directly via email on Friday, April 24th) 

 

[ps: they tweet tons of great puns; which is a winner in my book!]

friday, i’m in love

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  • need.these.now! NOW NOW. (eggless) cookie dough ice cream bites. (let’s be honest, eggs really weren’t stopping me from eating cookie dough)
  • it’s April; barely past the middle of the month. Why is everyone talking about summer? Yes, it’s been really nice this week; really, really nice. But internet, calm the eff down. One day at a time. Enjoy spring. There aren’t even buds on the trees here. ONE DAY AT A TIME. Enjoy today.
  • although I’m pumped it’s iced coffee weather!
  • I don’t have a bike but if I did it would have this cute floral handlebar. The cruiser with the basket with the flowers. Perfect.
  • I’m up to a 50 second plank. I haven’t died but I don’t have abs either. Not seeing the value just quite yet. And no, 50 second planks do not make me feel powerful or strong they make me feel like I hate planks.
  • it seems that after 20 years of using a dryer I’ve forgotten how one functions. My dryer? Not broken. You just have to set the time then turn it on. My oven? Definitely does not work. My bank account? Not hacked. My debit card? Expired. Me? Definitely had a mini meltdown on Saturday night laying on the floor listening to the adult contemporary music channel. Obviously I broke the ice cream fast and invited Ben & Jerry over for dinner.
  • I booked my flight to go visit sister in Alberta in June! aka: the most exciting purchase I’ve made all year. The hardest part is waiting; every day of my Ontario life for the next 7 weeks is gonna seem to boring and unmountainous.
  • tv series things: watched season 1 of The Affair last weekend. After the first episode I thought it was a bit slow and boring, but maaaan, it sucks you in, and you need to know what happens. I like how it was told from 2 perspectives. Finishing up the last few episodes of Friday Night Lights (have watched it all previously) probably this afternoon. It’s such a great series; perfect to watch while I work.
  • tv things: as expected, Grey’s Anatomy was anti-climactic and boring. Scandal! Liv, guuurl, you need to get yo-self on Tinder because meeting the fellas in coffee shops (Jake) and bars (Russell) isn’t working. Y’all; you KNEW Russell was gonna be more than her man friend, right? Not impressed. And poor Jakers this season. Honey needs to stop being on the losing side of every fight. #teamjake.

friday, i’m in love

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  • includes: anger, rage, whining, crying, anxiety, laughter. PMS ice cream; this needs to be a thing.
  • I’m sure all the cool kids knew Wednesday was Rex Manning Day. Yes of course I watched Empire Records to celebrate. And then wondered how the hell it was ok to watch when I was 12. (sister says it was really about love and thus acceptable. This is also how we rationalized Dirty Dancing, Grease, and Grease 2…and if you don’t like Grease 2 then I don’t like you)
  • Wednesday was also Day of Pink. #onwednesdayswewearpink #youCANsitwithus. Let’s teach kids kindness!
  • good eats this week: pasta (angel hair/spaghetti) + chicken + snap peas + bean sprouts + napa cabbage + peanut sauce + teriyaki sauce. Chilled in the fridge, so good. And obviously I made a week’s worth ’cause cooking blows; I’ve been eating it for lunch or supper all week. Wednesday was a truly remarkable (read: horribly boring) evening where I had 2 kinds of salad for dinner. I mean, they were both good – this thai noodle salad and a small caprese salad – but 2 salads. And pretzel buns! PRETZEL BUNSSSSSS!
  • I totes want a gay bf to whisk me away to Europa! (because sometimes, the idea of a straight bf sounds exhausting…) “The ornate parts of Versailles pretty much made me wanna vom but the simpler parts were just stunning.”  You must must must read Orlando’s blog on the regular; even if you aren’t into home decor (which, WHO ARE YOU? everyone likes pretty things), he’s absolutely hilarious and the writing style is captivating and tells a story and makes you wanna be besties. Ahem, Orlando? Wanna be my bestie? I can’t speak French like your smokin’ hot gaybf and live in the boring part of Canada, but um, well, I’m sure we can find some middle ground like my dry, sarcastic sense of humour, desire to drink lattes all day, and stare at pretty abstract works of art.
  • cake batter chapstick > all other kinds. Whoa whoa Canadians, don’t get all excited, I’ve never actually seen these north of the border (#whycantwehavenicethings). I got mine in Georgia over Christmas and it’s 8000x better than the slightly medicinal, tangy sting of regular/cherry/mint chapstick. And it smells like cake!
  • BASEBALL! Oh why yes, I did watch multiple games over nearly 12 hours on Monday. It started with a Jays win in NYC and I went to bed as the Giants were winning in Arizona and caught a bit of the Mets, Nationals, Red Sox, Phillies, Angels, Mariners, Padres, Dodgers, Indians, and Astros in between. Thank you Sportsnet and multiple TSN networks.
  • tv things! Loved the Chicagos this week. Chicago Fire didn’t bore with stupid decisions and ridiculous relationships (except the end; I do not ship it Casey & Dawson! GUYS….I used “ship it” in a sentence correctly, and it’s so lame, and I hate myself for it and I’m totally leaving it in there to prove how hip I am). I’m digging the Chicago Med tie-ins. Chicago PD was ON FLEEK. (GUYS! I did that on purpose. I won’t ever say ship it or on fleek ever again….probably….). But seriously; Elias Koteas who plays Olinsky was phenomenal! SUITS and Rookie Blue both start up again on June 25th! I still want Sawyer to win The Voice and I still want Adam to sing me lullabies while I fall asleep (ohhh, I meant to say that in my inside voice…).
  • I’m gonna go back and punch 11-days-ago-Allison for thinking a beginner plank-a-day challenge would be a good idea for April. She was wrong.
  • I was a huge carnation hater. Thought they were the worst, cheapest, most pitiful flower at the grocery store. And in red, they still are. BUT, I bought white ones with pink fringed edges at the grocery store this week. 8/$5, they’re still going strong, and are quite lovely. As long as they aren’t red, I may be coming around. I’ve got them grouped tightly with the tops just peeking out of my gold glitter mason jar in my office.
  • cotton scented candles.

 

Have any weekend plans? I haven’t decided what I’m doing. Probably vacuuming my couch (slip cover that attracts every hair, speck of dust and piece of lint), some Starbucks, potentially trying to paint a few nicks in my wall, maybe watching The Affair or True Detective, maybe some blog stuff. It would be really single-girl-sad to go see the new Nicholas Sparks movie by myself, right? I should wait and get it from the libs?

friday, i’m in love

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easter things?

  • cutest DIY dye-dipped typography eggs for adults…or teens…I guess kids, too. But love it more for an older fam-jam. Okay, yes, this DIY is a little complicated at first glance; but what about eggs dipped in a similar colour (aren’t they the greatest colours??!!) plus a gold sharpie? Yes yes! What was that? You want me to DIY that next Easter? Done. And some with glitter? Ok, twist my arm. Non-slacker easter DIY coming at ya in 2016.
  • let’s chat easter food. Are you a dinner family? Brunch? Not Christian and really dig Friday off and the fact potatoes are on sale at every grocery store? Since sis moved out west the parents and I have opted for brunch at the country club for holidays. (we are so not rich or fancy…….also, my Dad thinks brunch is 1pm…..and fortheloveofbrunch if there is no carrot cake left because we had to “brunch” in the middle of the afternoon this bunny is gonna be pissssssed.)
  • anyhoo, if you’re cooking, I highly suggest scalloped potatoes because a) spuds are on sale, b) they seem like an easter thing, and c) I’m craving them. And you should totally glaze your ham in orange marmalade. And you should not make green bean casserole because no one likes it and cream of mushroom soup (which, why??) is gross. You should absolutely make carrot cake because bunnies like carrots and if all else fails just make a lot of cream cheese icing and have another mimosa.

other things

  • 8:30 pm? so tired. Like never been more tired in my whole life. 12:30am so g’damn wide awake. So g’damn wide awake after coaxing myself to go to sleep for hours. By 2am I’ve essentially never felt more awake. And the only stress in my life is an overwhelming ice cream craving but showing extreme restraint and not buying any.
  • …because can you say hello jeans 6, 7, and 8. Because no, pairs 1-5 didn’t work. Also, if maybe I could grow about 2 inches before I attempt number 9, that would be splendid. Oh oh, #8 was a winner; thank you Old Navy and your crops that fit like pants. #shortgirlproblems
  • Target closes on April 8th. I’m more distraught than you’d imagine. But if we’re real life friends and I’ve seen you since January, you are completely not surprised because it’s all I talk about. Target? I know how you could have stayed open. We should have chatted. I still love you. Maybe I’ll see you in Buffalo? But teeeears. So sad. SO SAD.
  • things I never crave and can’t stop thinking about? Cheetos.
  • also, Chicago Mix popcorn. Which I do crave and do think about on the regular. If you can’t be in Chicago get the G.H. Cretors mix (I don’t know what’s up with that crazy price); I can find it at Costco, grocery stores, Target. The other kinds are no where near as good.
  • tv things! Chicago PD: loved it; fast paced, intense, a little surgery on the dining room table, and bf Jay giving a little lip. Scandal: oh baby baby. I haven’t really liked the last couple episodes. I thought the Ferguson-esque one went too far (in my opinion) and the last two have been a bit boring, but we’re back to classic Scandal unexpected twists. It was amazing. Last week’s Hart of Dixie finale? Could have done without the spontaneous musical number near the end, but I really liked it, and hoping it miraculously comes back since it hasn’t been officially cancelled.
  • it was 15C Thursday and will be below freezing and snowing Saturday, Sunday, Monday. For goodness sakes…
  • I’ve been working with a few clients in Vancouver this week; aka: working 8:30-5ish with Ontario peeps and then till 8:30pm with Vancouver peeps Tuesday – Thursday. I’m so happy today is a holiday. I will be sleeping in. (I’m writing this Thursday night…how much do you wanna bet I don’t sleep in?? Then again it’s supposed to be rainy/cloudy in the morning so there’s hope. But I doubt it.) I will walk over to Starbucks. I will do a lot of nothing for the rest of the day.
  • major spring cleaning will happen at some point in the next few days; probably not today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next weekend.

oh hello, april

april

singing: in the car…not the shower.

making: caprese sammies for lunch this week. so good.

cooking: is stew cooking? yes? then my 6th and potentially last pot of beef stew till fall. Maybe not. There’s a lot of rain in the forecast. Rain = stew/soup.

drinking: iced coffee! (it just needs to consistently be over…um…about 5C. I love iced coffee weather)

reading: Still Alice.

wanting: ice cream.

looking: forward to seeing my dad Sunday to get all the goodies I left in Georgia in January and all the Dunkin’ he bought for me since.

playing: (played?) hooky on Monday. Mostly. I pretended it was Sunday in between a few work emails.

wishing: for some spring warmth and sunshine. Yes I do say this every month. Looks like cool and rainy.

enjoying: re-watching Friday Night Lights while I work. How does Julie (kinda) pick the Swede over Matty? And I know it happens but doesn’t happen (I’m at S2), but don’t you just want to save Tim and lead him on a path of doing good things and not drinking too much? And and, can Jason get a haircut? And and and, I still want Tami to be my spirit animal.

crushing: on Matty? tv boyfriends? iced coffee? (all of the above)

wondering: if I’ll find a decent pair of jeans any time soon.

eating: sourdough bread like it’s my job. What was that? Oh no, sometimes I don’t wonder why jeans don’t fit right…I know.

marveling: at how much better life is when the sun doesn’t set at 4:40pm.

needing: some flowers. Is there Metro in provinces other than Ontario? If there is, you should go. I popped in Saturday to pick up a bouquet for a friend and they have a better selection than my Zehrs/Superstore and at good prices. American friends, don’t talk to me. You have Whole Foods and Trader Joes and big city peeps have corner bodegas (which are the best).

hoping: my genius idea to do a beginner plank-a-day challenge this month goes well. My yoga teacher is loving planks and plank/up dog variations and it makes my core die. Not in a good way. So I’m hoping to make them abs a bit stronger.

smelling: not much. Hello allergy sniffles.

wearing: not jeans. My fave new navy cardigan from The Gap. (like this one…but navy…and somehow it was only $6…so obvs I bought 2)

perfecting: how to apply mascara. I like a curved brush, apply from base to tip rolling the brush up, allow to dry quickly, curl with lash curler, apply second coat going from base to tip in a sawing/back and forth motion to fan out lashes/avoid clumps. Works like a charm for me. Lash curlers are not scary.

loving: my New Balance 550 v3’s. Got them in Georgia in December and am finally getting a chance to wear them regularly to grab groceries/coffee and they’re the best. Cobalt sneakers definitely make you smile.

watching: Chicago PD humor (oh Americans and your lack of “u”s) clips on youtube. They aren’t so much funny as they pack all the good stuff into a few minutes. And West Wing reruns. And deciding which to start first: The Affair, Elementary, or Girls S4. And hoping Sawyer wins The Voice; that kid is amazing! Indie all the way.

listening: to Zac Brown Band.

noticing: that a lot of people complain on twitter. Especially about bad service. (and after a rough weather winter, y’all, West Jet can’t do anything about your delayed flight due to a snow storm. It sucks. It does. Put down your phone.)

dreaming: of mountains.

opening: day. Jays start the season Monday in NY against the Yankees and the Giants are in Arizona to play the Diamond Backs (I will not call them the DBs. I mean I want to, but won’t)

giggling: at the WWJD joke I made about an easter conundrum. It was so wrong but felt so right.

feeling: like I’m waiting for something to happen.