my fave: having a choice

Motherhood.  This is a topic that is subconsciously at the back of my mind; to be honest, I don’t think about it as much as my Mom does or likely extended family or acquaintances who often probe “oh, so, you’re still single.”

I’m not completely daft; I know that as I slowly creep towards and past 30 it becomes a harder choice to make.  (Tangentially, 30 is NOT old, I do not feel old, heck, I’ve (hopefully) only lived a third of my life so far, and only been an adult for 12 of them)

Then I saw this. (to Katie, who wrote this; thank you)


Like Katie, I, too always wanted a family.  I had the same boyfriend through University and for a few months after graduation.  Like most naive 22 year olds, I thought this was my future.  He was my future.  He started a new job and I started my first big-girl job on the same day; I obviously thought this was fate, that we were starting a new journey together.  We broke up 2 weeks later.

But now? Now I don’t really know anymore.  And that is actually great.  I don’t know if I want to be married – while snuggling sounds good, having someone around all the time does not, but having someone to drive me places and open jars does.  I don’t know if I want children – they seem pretty cute but then years 5-18 don’t sound all too pleasant, neither does not sleeping, nor does being selfless.  I don’t come from a broken family (my parents celebrated their 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday) and I had a great childhood.


Do I still feel like I’m letting my Mom down? Absolutely.  Does my grandma remind me she is likely going to die before I get married.  All the freaking time!

Do I think there is a ridiculous amount of societal pressure to be married and with children? Yup.  I mean seriously, why are single, childless people looked down upon like there is something wrong with them? You don’t have to treat me delicately; I mean, I may cry, but I don’t have a communicable disease.

I respect, but sometimes question,your decision to get married and have children.  Could you respect (even if you question) my choice not to?  Well, not for now anyway.



2 thoughts on “my fave: having a choice

  1. And so it goes! Thanks for the link to my post, for sure, but thanks even more for keeping the conversation going. There are lots of women (and men – hi Kevin!) out there who are sorting through a bit of a weird time. I think the more we read and talk about it, the less we’ll feel like a bunch of arseholes when we make choices that aren’t necessarily popular or common.

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