I’ve read a bunch of blog posts from Jenny Lawson (aka: “the bloggess”), and, although I really wish I’d found this before Christmas, today, Epiphany is just as fitting a day to share.  

I LOL’d.  Ok, wait, I’m not a douchebag, I don’t say things like “lol”.  In this case, I genuinely sat on my couch and laughed. A lot. 

I’m kind of an insensitive asshole, and a fairly bad Christian, so, I find stuff like this hi-larious! 

If you’re lazy (ahem, like me), I’ve copied Jenny’s post below for your reading (laugh of the day) pleasure.   

On the way home from our vacation/hospital-stay, Victor and I ended up traveling with a very well-meaning man who wouldn’t stop talking about how God put me in the hospital on purpose because apparently He hates me.

Stranger: Well, God doesn’t close a door without opening a window.

Victor:  Well that explains why our electric bill was so high.  Because God doesn’t understand how expensive air-conditioning is.

Stranger:  That’s...not what that phrase means.

me:  I bet Jesus has to deal with this shit all the time.  God’s always leaving the windows open at home…accidentally letting Jesus’ cat out.  That sort of thing.

Victor:  Right?  And then Jesus would be like “Dad.  STOP LEAVING ALL THE WINDOWS OPEN. WERE YOU BORN IN A BARN?”

Religious stranger:  *stunned silence*

me:  And then God would point out that Jesus actually WAS born in a barn.  BURN, Jesus.

Victor: And then God would be like, “Look, I DON’T CLOSE A DOOR WITHOUT OPENING A WINDOW.  IT’S  WHAT I DO. IT’S IN THE CHARTER.”

Religious person:  Wow.  You guys have…really thought this out.

me:  No, not really.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s