I’ve read a bunch of blog posts from Jenny Lawson (aka: “the bloggess”), and, although I really wish I’d found this before Christmas, today, Epiphany is just as fitting a day to share.
I LOL’d. Ok, wait, I’m not a douchebag, I don’t say things like “lol”. In this case, I genuinely sat on my couch and laughed. A lot.
I’m kind of an insensitive asshole, and a fairly bad Christian, so, I find stuff like this hi-larious!
If you’re lazy (ahem, like me), I’ve copied Jenny’s post below for your reading (laugh of the day) pleasure.
On the way home from our vacation/hospital-stay, Victor and I ended up traveling with a very well-meaning man who wouldn’t stop talking about how God put me in the hospital on purpose because apparently He hates me.
Stranger: Well, God doesn’t close a door without opening a window.
Victor: Well that explains why our electric bill was so high. Because God doesn’t understand how expensive air-conditioning is.
Stranger: That’s...not what that phrase means.
me: I bet Jesus has to deal with this shit all the time. God’s always leaving the windows open at home…accidentally letting Jesus’ cat out. That sort of thing.
Victor: Right? And then Jesus would be like “Dad. STOP LEAVING ALL THE WINDOWS OPEN. WERE YOU BORN IN A BARN?”
Religious stranger: *stunned silence*
me: And then God would point out that Jesus actually WAS born in a barn. BURN, Jesus.
Victor: And then God would be like, “Look, I DON’T CLOSE A DOOR WITHOUT OPENING A WINDOW. IT’S WHAT I DO. IT’S IN THE CHARTER.”
Religious person: Wow. You guys have…really thought this out.
me: No, not really.